an accidental but powerful coalition of oprah viewers, spiritual-but-not-religious christians, people who think juice cures cancer, and ironic gay twitter users are going to propel marianne williamson into office and there's nothing we can do about it
OSAKA (The Borowitz Report)—Moments after watching the second night of Democratic Presidential debates, a reportedly shaken Donald J. Trump wrote a check to the campaign of former Vice-President Joe Biden.
Trump took a break from the G-20 summit to watch the Thursday-night contest and emerged from the viewing “ashen and trembling,” one G-20 colleague said.
Later, Trump was overheard trying to enlist Russian President Vladimir Putin to support the Biden 2020 effort.
“Please, you’ve got to help Joe. He’s in trouble,” Trump pleaded with the Russian.
“Stop being such a baby,” Putin reportedly snapped.
Tonight I'm taking my girl on a surprise date to see Eddie Palmieri. He is a latin jazz pianist and an absolute god to me. I've only seen him once before.
Then tomorrow a buddy and I are going to take my spinet piano outside. We will then smash and chainsaw it into little enough pieces to load into his truck and take to the dump.
I didn’t know who Andrew Yang was until he said he was going to give me $1,000 a month. So far, that’s the best idea I’ve heard. Kamala Harris wants to pay public school teachers 15k a year more than they make now. I love that idea, too. My vote is definitely for sale.
I’m glad no one spoke Spanish last night. I don’t care what the intent is, it comes across as pandering, or worse, like a “see what I can do” moment. “I’m going to play Chopin’s Nocturne on our family’s old baby grand piano while I talk about health care.”
I guess I’d be impressed if one of the candidates started speaking !Kung in the middle of an answer. If Joe Biden had answered Harris’ question in some sorta African click language, people may have been able to ignore his abhorrent position on school busing.
Makes more sense to me than most of the shit that pundits demand.
Did you know that David Brooks from the NYT is worried about the dems moving to the left?
David Brooks: Convince me to vote Democrat. Democrats: The other party is starving babies in cages at the border. David Brooks: No, I mean like with tax cuts or something.
Anyway, in my opinion, Democrats should not base strategy on the recommendations of Republicans...
Big fat fail at our place. The piano arrived but the fourth helper person didn't. So they didn't have enough manpower. My piano is now going back to Missouri until they can hitch it to the next delivery run near Baltimore.
I fully support not endangering people, but that did little to tamp down my disappointment after getting myself jacked up with enthusiasm all weekend.
We had better luck than that, but only just. The "cute, nice condition piano" has a bunch of chipped veneer and smells like grandma house and perfume. We also hate where we put it initially and I'm not sure if we're strong enough to move it.
I'll probably feel better if we can patch and paint a bit and it airs out.
At least it sounds solid and is probably 98% in tune.
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She's gonna beat Trump with LUV
It's just an upright, but still. What are the odds there would be two crappity piano deliveries on one weekend?
Then we're going to see Brandi Carlile tomorrow. And then that silly Beatles movie Sunday.
The survey is NUTS.
"Who do you trust to fix our nation's broken immigration system?
A ) President Trump
B ) A MS-13 Loving Democrat
Not a joke. That's a real question in the survey.
“I’m going to play Chopin’s Nocturne on our family’s old baby grand piano while I talk about health care.”
Did you know that David Brooks from the NYT is worried about the dems moving to the left?
David Brooks: Convince me to vote Democrat.
Democrats: The other party is starving babies in cages at the border.
David Brooks: No, I mean like with tax cuts or something.
Anyway, in my opinion, Democrats should not base strategy on the recommendations of Republicans...
I fully support not endangering people, but that did little to tamp down my disappointment after getting myself jacked up with enthusiasm all weekend.
I'll probably feel better if we can patch and paint a bit and it airs out.
At least it sounds solid and is probably 98% in tune.
I've got about 30 of them.
We're doing nothing in particular, so I will be around.
We are going to Fat Rice on my bday. Casual place, but James Beard award winning. Macau cuisine. Like Chinese food by way of Iberian seafood.
I'll be out for the next two days.